The most important way we can display our grasp of good manners is through our actions. I regularly remind my students that it is not as much what we say as it is what we do. Those who are willing to learn and grow from their mistakes through corrective action will thrive. This article has evolved from my interactions with family and business professionals over the years. I’ll explain how to handle stressful encounters with people and go through some basics surrounding why manners are so important. Finally, I’ll conclude with details on my etiquette classes for adults here in the Dallas area and how you can enroll in one of my sessions.
Manners – The Way We Make Others Feel
A true gentleman or lady is one who is quick to say he or she is sorry in all situations. We are called to be peacemakers. In contrast to this, our society has taught us to speak our rights and opinions. Culturally, we no longer teach “please” and “thank you” or ways that our children should respect others. However, someone with good manners will act with a counter-cultural attitude.
When others are hostile toward us, we must stop and recognize where those actions are coming from. Hostile people may treat others badly due to internal grief or disappointments that affects the way they interact with people.
Here are a few tips for handling people who might not respond the way you want them to respond.
- Rise above all harsh words spoken to you.
- “Turn your cheek” by not responding in hurt or anger to another person’s actions.
- Seek to understand the environment you’re in. Maybe the other person is busy and doesn’t have time to talk through things with you. Maybe you’re both at work and a third-party is watching your interactions, which causes undue stress. Regardless, it’s best to keep environment in mind when a stressful situation occurs.
- Grant mercy to all.
- Be an example to others by always working to put others before yourself.
- Do good deeds for those who do not deserve it.
Manners Must Be Demonstrated Before They Can Be Imitated
Manners must be accompanied by a strong conviction driven by an inward compass. Your inward compass will produce ethics, which goes on display (for good or bad) when you are under pressure.
Manners driven by conviction are powerful. Manners are not emotions or feelings, yet they affect the emotions and feelings of others. Manners driven by conviction produce a mindset of situational awareness that will affect all relationships.
A person with a strong inner compass has a keen awareness of the needs of others. Demonstration must occur before imitation. Manners that exhibit love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and, above all, self-control, are most effective when dealing with difficult people. Manners originate from God, who gave us the Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12a, which says “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,…”
All around us, manners have been replaced with “feel-good” behavior. If it feels good, then go ahead and do it…even if it is at the expense of others. Everywhere we turn, we see evidence that we are living in an unmannerly world. Educational opportunities may be increasing, but so is a “me-centered” generation of people who love themselves. Assertiveness, individualism and self-expression have replaced, conviction, love and respect.
To combat this, we need to love our neighbors by saying “please” and “thank you”. We should stand when a superior or older person walks into the room and wait for all to be served before we eat. Our social interactions should be others-centered by doing simple things like looking all waiters in the eye, shaking hands with people and trying to introduce ourselves to strangers. In addition, we should respect senior adults and teach our children the value of wisdom.
Parents need to demonstrate good manners and should teach children how to respect grandparents, teachers, police officers, firefighters, neighbors, friends and any who may be different. If parents allow children to evolve, they will adopt the manner of society and surely devolve. In short, manners must be resurrected and prioritized in America!
As a society, we have a responsibility not only at the dinner table, but also in everyday life. We must go back to loving our neighbor. The essence of etiquette is not “sipping afternoon tea with King Charles”, it is a mindset of conviction that is driven by a soul who loves and cares for others more than themselves. If we can learn to make the needs of others paramount to our own, the world will most definitely become a better place.
Need Help Learning Manners? Lisa’s Dallas Etiquette Classes for Adults Can Help!
Good manners transform us into good people. Good people attract others and thrive. The rules of dining are secondary from the way we treat others! As I teach manners and etiquette, I desire to inspire my students with these principles. It is my goal to start with the heart and soul of each individual. Confidence, diligence, the rules of etiquette, style, speech, dining, conversation, protocol and fashion are important, but good manners will give one security in dealing with difficult situations.
Lisa Burdette’s etiquette classes for adults empower Dallas business professionals, college students, families and individuals with the skills they need to succeed in life. Ready to book your private or group session?
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