Many years before I started teaching etiquette classes for adults, my mom would take me to the Hallmark store every Saturday to purchase Thank You cards. We would write Thank You notes on Saturday afternoons and burn a vanilla candle. As my mom would say, “always write a Thank You note”. This past year, I wrote a Thank You note to my mom. I am embarrassed to say this is the first Thank You note where I have thanked her for being a hostess at Christmas. In my blog post today, I’ll explain the purpose of thankfulness in etiquette and some of the mechanics related to writing a heartfelt Thank You note.
Christmas with My Mom
On Christmas morning 2024, my husband Elliott and I traveled to Sharpsburg, Georgia to share the holiday with my mom. We arrived at my mom’s and were greeted with a hug and the smell of sweet potato casserole in the oven. We enjoyed a full Christmas dinner with turkey, dressing, cranberry salad, sweet potatoes, green beans, deviled eggs, salad, rolls and giblet gravy. Desserts were plentiful as well. Her food was great, and she drove to the store, purchased all the food and prepared it herself…at age 88! Oh, what a treasure to have a “super mom” like her. Her table was beautifully set with china and decorated for Christmas with a candle burning in memory of my Dad. Under the tree were many beautiful gifts prepared for Elliott and me. We even had stockings filled with presents.
I gave thanks like never before for this special day. My mom has been preparing this same meal since 1987, and, until my father’s death, she also prepared the meal for my 6 children and their spouses (which totaled 17 guests). She gave 35 gifts to her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. This year was this first time that it hit me…I teach clients how to be the perfect host, yet I have never thanked the perfect hostess! So, I wrote my mom a Thank You note of appreciation to her for shopping for gifts and food, for cooking and cleaning and for being the perfect host.
The Purpose of Thankfulness in Etiquette
The ultimate act of etiquette is to be thankful and grateful. A grateful heart carries power that will affect the behavior of others. We all want to be around people who are grateful and who live lives of servanthood. This year, 2025, can be the year you refine your social graces! That begins with an attitude of gratitude. If you have selfish priorities, you will be “blind” in interactions with others. To combat this, work on getting rid of any self-obsessions and focus on changes in your behavior that will help you improve your social graces, manners and relationships with other people. Resolve to put the needs of others before your own needs and exercise empathy, even when you may feel it is not deserved. That’s giving mercy to others!
So, give thanks, and make sure you write Thank You notes to those who gave gifts and/or showed hospitality to you over the holidays. It is not too late to write that Thank You note! Your note of appreciation will be reassuring to the receiver, whether written to in-laws, your mother, siblings or friends. Thank You notes are the most effective if you focus on the details surrounding your appreciation. Next, I will explain some of the specifics on how to write a good note.
How to Write a Heartfelt Thank You Note
Do not allow too much time to lapse after the holidays before you write handwritten Thank You notes to anyone who helped to make the season special. A handwritten Thank You note written from the heart will help to alleviate post-event feelings of anxiety and provide reassurance and encouragement to gift-givers and hostess(es). Remember, a text, email or WhatsApp message is not enough and doesn’t carry the same weight as a physical handwritten Thank You note.
Make a pledge to always leave or mail a handwritten Thank You note to others in 2025! This is very important and brings meaning and joy to the receiver. The principles for writing a Thank You note are the same for appreciating a gift or act of hospitality. You must dig into your heart and find special, positive things to say. Below I will share the simple art of the Thank You note:
- Name the gift or event.
- Connect your gratitude for the gift to the enhancement of your life. For example, state how useful the gift is or what joy you now receive from the gift / how it reminds you of the giver. Or, express your appreciation to the hostess for her hard work in putting on the event you attended.
- Thank the giver and tell him or her how much you personally appreciate him or her.
- Close your note with a mention of the gift / event again and reiterate your expression of gratitude. You could also mention a desire to connect again soon.
Dig deep into your heart and always seek to make the receiver feel special. Make sure that the note is written with a heartfelt meaning. Think about the effort involved in taking the time to shop for a gift, prepare a meal, host you at their home, bake cookies or whatever the giver gifted you with. This effort should be appreciated!
Below is an example of a note I wrote to my son and daughter-in-law.
Dear Jim and Jennifer,
Thank you for having us to stay the weekend before Christmas. You were so kind to take on the responsibility for entertaining us on this holiday weekend and we had a great time. It was a joy to spend this time with you and your family. It was so lovely meeting your neighbors and friends at Maria’s party. We had a wonderful flight and enjoyed a few days with Mimi after we left your home. We are now exhausted, yet revived from the joyous fellowship we shared with your family.
Once again, many thanks for your truly heroic hospitality and love.
Final reiterations of gratitude,
Love,
Elliott and Lisa
Many times, I am asked, “When is the proper time to write a Thank You note”? My response? Always! There is always room in today’s society for gratitude. When we give, thank and serve others, anxiety goes away. Writing a Thank You note from the heart is a powerful tool that is certain to leave a positive impression. With the Christmas season over, we now are faced with the busyness of work, events, school, shopping and other projects. How easy it is to forget the gift givers and, above all, the hostesses who cooked, entertained and planned events to make our Christmas special.
A Personal Note of Thanks
A special thank you to my husband Elliott as well as to Jim, Huamin, Maria, JR, Sam, Dr. Jenna, Quince, William and Drs. Charles and Racheal. Thanks to my daughter, Lainie, and granddaughter, Lila, who planned and served as my guide to New York City. Thank you Luke, Lincoln, Clair, John, Dutch, Vivienne, Lindy, Tyler, Jett and Dash. Last but not least, thank you to my Heavenly Father, for giving me parents who taught me to write Thank You notes and about the importance of a grateful heart.
Dallas Expert, Lisa Burdette, Teaches on Gratefulness in Her Etiquette Classes for Adults
Lisa Burdette is an expert in social graces and business etiquette in Dallas, Texas. Her private and group etiquette classes for adults have helped many individuals with polishing their professional image and increasing their personal confidence at work, in school and in their personal lives. In addition, Lisa’s experience in workplace etiquette training and workshops for corporate clients such as the Bank of Texas, TEXO (The Construction Association) and others have prepared her to train many additional Dallas-area businesses in 2025.
Ready to refine your manners and etiquette with some personalized training? Reach out via our Contact page or Book Online and request your session with Lisa today!