It is evident that children’s behavior is getting worse. Table manners appear to have been lost and respect for elders has gone out the window. Because parents work and have little time with their children, they feel the need to over-indulge their children at all costs. In reality, children love and respond to structure and routine. This must be taught from the cradle. In today’s blog post, I’ll talk about the origin of good manners for kids and how parents and grandparents can work to instill these qualities in the lives of their children.
What are Manners?
Manners are the outward expression of love and awareness of the needs of others. How do we teach this to our children? First of all, as parents, teachers and grandparents, we must set the example. We must remove all negativity from our lives and focus on the things in this world that are good and true. We must wake up each and every day with a heart of gratitude. We must count our blessings, so our soul will direct our thoughts, which will direct our actions and words.
We must renew our minds daily with praise and thanksgiving. By giving thanks and focusing on our blessings, we will affect those around us! Our children will hear us and, when they see parents respecting each other, they will be respectful themselves.
We must think about our thinking and what we choose to think about. We must protect our eyes and ears, and strive to live a life that is clean and pure. A clean heart produces a clean mind, which produces clean speech, which produces good and productive actions, which produce positive influence. We must search our hearts daily for our true motives. When all of the above are clean, we are transformed into a caring human being who projects love for our neighbor.
Manners should be a daily review in every home. The following should be taught, practiced and emulated. Below are a few tips to polish up on the manners in your home. Train parents train, you are the trainers, teachers, coaches, nannies, and grandparents are support units to enhance your job as parents. The following routines will make a difference in your child’s success as well as making your on life more pleasurable.
- Practice please and thank you.
- Demand eye contact.
- Hold briefings with your children before events, social functions, family gatherings or outings.
- Spend time shopping with your child and discuss grooming and the why of keeping a clean image.
- Discuss the needs of grandparents, neighbors or friends. Plan outings to take food to grandparents and teach your children to be givers and not takers.
- Teach your children to write thank you notes. A text message is never enough. The handwritten note is always meaningful and lasting.
- Teach your children to be prepared, establish daily routines and have a set study time.
- Plan family vacations that include helping others. For example, take a mission trip together or do a project for a family in need in your neighborhood.
- Take your child to a local nursing home. Let them see the joy they bring to the shut in. Talk to them about the elderly and teach them to talk to older people. Teach them the merit of wisdom.
- Have your children set the table and plan a meal.
- Watch for opportunities to engage your child and your family in community service.
- Spend time sharing or dining with friends from other cultures. Teach them to respect differences.
- Take your children to church. There is no better place to see and feel manners and real empathy than in a church.
- Have your child write a thank you letter to the local fire department or police department.
- Make sure your child goes with you to the voting booth.
- Practice introductions and teach your children to stand when an older person enters the room.
All of the above contribute to the making of “happy children” who will have a happy life and happy parents.
Parents and Children’s Etiquette
I am disturbed when I hear educators say not to helicopter their children. Oh, parents, please, please closely monitor your children!! If you do not direct, watch and guide, society will or whatever influence surrounds your child will influence your child. Parents should start out with a 24/7 attentiveness to their children. Work to nurture, then teach them the importance of “please” and “thank you”.
Encourage them to have real, not phony, empathy. This is the beginning of manners. As children go through the physical and emotional stages of development, we must give them guidance with faith and belief in them. Parents, you are anointed and appointed Mom and Dad. No one can ever fill your shoes! An attitude that says “please” and “thank you” and has genuine love for one’s neighbor is learned in the home. It cannot be taught later by “finding oneself”. Manners do not evolve…if not taught, they will devolve.
While we teach our children to walk and talk, we must also teach them how to interact successfully with others. We must teach them how to respect and get along with others. Universal standards must be set. Parents should always ask the question, “is my child behaving?” If your child constantly yells or sings aloud, consider that this might irritate others.
Tips for Basic Etiquette 101
- Eat pizza with a knife and fork when dining at the table and with your hand when you are on a ball field.
- Pass the salt and pepper together.
- Continental dining is used around the world.
- Never arrive more than 5 minutes early.
- Do not criticize others.
- Do not be boastful, arrogant or loud.
- Listen before speaking.
- Say thank you.
- Make eye contact.
- Give genuine compliments.
- Be punctual.
- Look your best at all times.
- Open doors.
Good Manners for Kids Begins with Parents
We must teach our children by example. We cannot reprimand a child for interrupting, bad language or lack of respect for elders and authority if we, as parents, grandparents, teachers etc., do the same in their presence. Again, briefing your child prior to an event or just a simple outing will eliminate many problems.
Looking for some guidance with manners for kids? Dallas etiquette expert, Lisa Burdette, offers private and group etiquette lessons to help families, teens and children improve their social skills at home, in school interactions and throughout life.
Ready to book? Reach out via our Contact page to request your manners for kids session with Lisa today! The Dallas School of Etiquette also offers business etiquette and fine dining sessions for teens and adults.
